Earlier, I wrote about how the word “smart” can become a shortcut in school. Please read that article for a bit of background.
For students, “smart” starts to mean “things are easy.”
But that’s not what we intend when we call a kid “smart.”
When “Smart” Becomes a Burden
My teacher (and other adults) called me “smart” starting in Kindergarten. But really, school was just easy for me at first.
It wasn’t because I was magically better at learning! It was because my parents were both teachers. They taught me a lot of school skills before I ever walked into a classroom.
So I wasn’t really learning much at first. I was just showing what I already knew.
And I was rewarded for that. Teachers told me I was “so smart.” But it was really just too easy.
I learned that, “I am smart when things are easy for me.”
The problem? Things are only easy for so long. And then, I started to feel stupid.
I Started Hiding
Of course, as I moved through school, I wanted to continue being told I was smart.
So I thought I had to get 100%, and be fastest, AND never need help. After all, when I was perfect, fast, and didn’t need help, adults told me I was so smart!
But it became really hard to keep that image up.
I started struggling. And I started hiding the fact that I struggled. Because I had internalized that smart kids don’t struggle.
Smart Kids Don’t Study!
I even thought that working hard for an A was cheating. After all, “smart” kids don’t need to study, right?
So I pretended I understood things that I didn’t. I avoided asking teachers for help, because I thought smart kids didn’t need it.
I call this the curse of the kidney table.
The irony is that I now realize all the “smart” kids were doing the same thing. We were all trying to make it look easy.
I know this because I’ve talked to other gifted adults. Many of us were putting on this same show.
So the big question is: why weren’t our teachers aware of this?
What Happens When It Gets Hard?
If you’ve been “smart” from Kindergarten through 5th grade, it feels like a crisis when school gets even a bit tricky.
Needing help is terrifying. Studying, slowing down, or making mistakes can feel like proof that something is wrong.
Different students react in different ways:
- Some aren’t too bothered. Maybe they were praised for effort, not just grades.
- Some kids sandbag. They fail on purpose so they can say, “Oh, I didn’t even try.”
- Others become teenage workaholics, spending hours at home to keep up the illusion that everything is easy at school.
Into Adulthood
I’ve written before about the Impostor Syndrome I felt in college.
School was now really hard. And I was certain that meant I was no longer even close to smart.
I felt embarrassed. I may have been a bit depressed in college (despite getting As and being in an honors program).
My parents tried to comfort me by saying, “But you’re so smart!”
They meant well, but that’s exactly the opposite of what I needed.
Students Think They Faked Their Way In
Many gifted kids grow up wondering if they ever deserved the label. They question whether they fooled someone, got lucky, or simply peaked early.
I think this is a huge blind spot in K–12 education.
We rarely stay in touch with gifted students later in life. We assume the straight-A kids turned out fine.
But many didn’t.
Here’s what grown-up gifted kids often say.
Careful Praise
Instead of saying “You’re smart,” try praising what the student actually did. What kind of thinking, effort, or action impressed you as a teacher?
And if it was just an easy 100%, that tells us that the task was too simple to begin with. Endless 100% scores are a red flag!